i don't know who i am.

i don't know who i am.
i don't know if i ever will.

if you think the same. hi.

my name is anzilah. it is of arabic origin, which translates to 'the descending' or 'an angel from heaven' as my parents beguiled.

i was born in Kolhapur, a city in western Maharashtra.
i was brought up in Sharjah, one of the 7 emirates of the UAE.

you might think it's simple. born somewhere, brought up elsewhere.
but it isn't. it never was. it never will be.
and that's just how it is.

i was always of the belief that i must pick one to 'belong' as if it were a condition for a normal life.
but i could never.
Unapologetically, I still haven't found a bottom line to it.
and here's the best part— i don't want to.

It wasn't easy, this duality. feeling like an impostor to yourself. feeling foreign to every place you call 'home'. yet somewhere amidst this instability and insecurity, i found solace. in change. in new experiences. in precarity. this constant need for difference became a pivotal personality trait.

which leads me to the genesis of this space.

I have been a lot. I have seen a lot. I have done a lot. yet it was never close to enough. enough to have been, have seen or have done anything at all.
i am here to prove the prohibitive ideology of "being everything means being nothing" wrong.

ladies and gentlemen, this is anzilahdhalait.in!

i want to find out who i am. how much i can be. what all i can be.
how much i can become before becoming 'nothing'.

this will be everything, my highs and my lows, my wins and my losses, my truths and my myths, but most importantly my journey.

my journey of empiricism.

i don't know how this will end. or what its corollaries are.
i'm unsure of what will come along, and how long it will last.

it has begun. lets see where it takes us.

i don't know who i am,
i don't know if i ever will.
but here's to becoming.

"Growth is the death of comfort."